I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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