Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think people are normalizing furries
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
