I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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