Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
drinking out of a sandbucket again
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
