Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
