I just threw up on my dentist
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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