Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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