you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have tasted many bathrooms
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
