You made me cry and you don't even care
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
