Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
