I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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