the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
