OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
