Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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