Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
