I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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