I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
where am i from again
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
