You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
