Me. At least after what I've been through.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
