i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
