im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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