sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
