dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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