i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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