You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the raccoons are back...
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