he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I didn't notice because vodka
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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