I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
