The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
