It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
