you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
