Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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