pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
