Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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