new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize
