he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
