How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
