Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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