so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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