My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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