me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
