masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
