meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
