i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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