We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
