the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
