Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
