yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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