You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
