Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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