So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
