the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
