Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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