Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
