I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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