The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
