My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
